What To Do When Unequally Yoked in Marriage

Are you unequally yoked or is there some level of disunity between you and your other half? Have you sat in the same room a million miles apart, wondering how to talk about your values without starting another fight? I believe God calls us to hang on to hope for our spouses, and I want to give you a simple tool to overcome disjointed and disheartening walls in your marriage.

I remember losing it one night in Dallas in 2010. Trinna and I had come home from a church small group and on the surface we were at odds because I made a joke in the gathering that put a negative spotlight on her. I didn’t know why she was being so sensitive and not understanding my heart. She didn’t know why I was so insensitive and not understanding her heart. Those things were valid, but what was really happening was we had spent years outside of real church community because of former wounds, and the enemy of our souls did not want us back where we belonged.

Turning Accusations into Anticipation

The father of lies whispered to me, “Trinna just doesn’t want to go to church and she never will. If you continue pursuing God, you will grow further apart until she leaves you.” And to her he said, “You won’t ever feel at home in church again and John isn’t going to protect you. He doesn’t care about the way you feel, and he’ll continue to force you into uncomfortable positions.”

These kinds of accusations were at least a weekly occurrence. We didn’t pray together and didn’t know how to overcome the differences we were feeling. But one morning in a quiet time God gave me a revelation.

Love “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

1 Corinthians 13:7 NASB

God doesn’t listen to Satan’s accusations against us. With enduring love He continues to bear with our faults, never giving up belief and hope. Why don’t we do this for one another? On the floor of my prayer-closet I sat and scribbled out a list of hopes for my bride. Daring beliefs God prodded me to anticipate.

What it means to be “unequally yoked.”

The definition of unequally yoked is two different kinds of animals pulling a load. Not only is it a bad way to go from point a to point b, as the direction is constantly having to be re-evaluated, it just doesn’t work. 2 Corinthians 6:14-15 NLT says it this way, “Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever?”

But later in the same book Paul says this to those in an unequally yoked marriage.

“Now, I will speak to the rest of you, though I do not have a direct command from the Lord. If a fellow believer has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to continue living with him, he must not leave her. And if a believing woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to continue living with her, she must not leave him. For the believing wife brings holiness to her marriage, and the believing husband brings holiness to his marriage. Otherwise, your children would not be holy, but now they are holy. (But if the husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such the believing husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace.) Don’t you wives realize that your husbands might be saved because of you? And don’t you husbands realize that your wives might be saved because of you?”

1 Corinthians 7:12-16 NLT

From Unequally Yoked to a Limitless Horizon

Trinna and I were both believers but we were really struggling to go in the same direction. Despite that and our various shortcomings, we never let go of one another and God taught us to see what He saw in each other. Every time I failed her, she showed supernatural grace, mercy, and encouragement. And I continued praying for and believing the things I asked God for years earlier.

One day I found the list I had made and forgotten with time. I couldn’t help but weep as I read what I had written down. God answered every one of my prayers. Every fear I had for my marriage, and every accusation the enemy brought against me and Trinna, God turned around—creating a beautiful redemptive story.

I couldn’t have dreamed of a better spouse to be yoked with. Where we were so focused on our burdens and who carried what before, we are now able to look up. The horizon is big and the path is straight. We can be excited about what God has in store.

If you have struggled in your marriage, I encourage you to pray for God’s vision, write down the hopes He gives you, and no matter what you have to bear and endure, never stop believing.